5/21/09

Not Sure Which Way To Go...

Something crazy and out of the blue happened the day of my birthday. I got an email from the receptionist at my work that said some guy just called for me from a prayer center about a member of my family. Thank goodness she knew not to give out my phone # or any information about me. When I got the message I paused for a bit and then picked up the phone to call the place. I told the guy on the phone who I was and asked if he was the one who called for me. He proceeded to tell me about the center and asked if I recognized such and such name. I swear I stopped breathing for a minute and my heart went into my stomach... that was my father's name! I have never met him, seen a picture of him, spoken to him, nothing. Quite a while ago I found him (in a prison in TX) and we wrote a few letters back and forth. Sadly, the letters stopped due to me feeling like he wasn't giving me the information I needed/wanted and he asked a few times for money. That was not at all what I was expecting. I contemplated going to meet him, but when I found out you have to give the prisoner your name, address, and drivers license # to be put on the visitors list I decided it wasn't such a hot idea. Plus, I was using a different address to send/receive letters, because I didn't want him having my real information until I felt comfortable with how things were going. Now, here we are, he's been paroled and is in a halfway house of sorts. It's a bible based prayer rehab center for drug abusers, alcoholics, and ex-inmates. The place sounds nice and I even found their website. The man on the phone asked me if I would be willing to have contact with my father and I straight up told him that I didn't know him and needed some time to think about things. Well, it's been over a week and I'm still sort of wishy washy with which way to go. I sent an email to the center today to see if someone could tell me what my father's intentions were and give me more information. I admit, I am scared and a little anxious at the same time. I have always wanted to meet him even if it's only one time. After all, I am half of him. My mother will not talk about him at all which I don't understand. She was 16 and he was 18 and he just fell into the wrong crowd. They were young and things happen. Luckily, my aunt remembers a little and has told me some stuff. I've never judged him for being in prison. Thankfully it wasn't for murder or anything super super bad. I just need to make sure I make the right decision for me and that it's me that is in control and not him. I can't believe this happened on my birthday. I wonder if he knew?

1 comment:

totallytracy said...

I am so sorry I didn't comment on this back when you posted. I have been caught up in facebook, twitter, etc. lately and I have let my blogging slide.

Anyway - WOW - what happened ?? Did you decide to go see him or contact him ?? I can see where you would be torn.

Let me know.